She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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