I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
