what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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