Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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