two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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