He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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