the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
