This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
