Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
