Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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