i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
should my penis look like a turkey
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
