You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
