Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
