Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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