Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
