i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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