I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
