is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
