Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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