If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
