You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
