4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
