I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
