you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
