I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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