We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
