i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She told me I should be a condom model.
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Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
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MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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