No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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