you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
