Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
i need some magic done to my vagina
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
