Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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