my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize