it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
