Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
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Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
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You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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