you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
