Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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