Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
