After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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