when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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