Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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