You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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