he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
