either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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