I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
