Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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