Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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