I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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