So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
