he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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