It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
