you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Who died my cat blue again?
The Olympian is in my bed
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