We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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