Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
