I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
