During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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