The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
