D3 body, D1 cock
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Randomize
